Supporting after Separation: A Toolkit for survivors’ friends and family members

Supporting a loved one who has left a relationship in which they have been subjected to abuse can be challenging. You may not always know what to say, how to help, or where to turn for accurate legal information.  

That is why Luke’s Place created the Supporting After Separation Toolkit: a free resource designed for friends, family members, and other informal supports of survivors who are navigating separation and family law issues after abuse. 

This resource is available in both English and French and offers legal information insights into the impact that violence has on a family, tips for providing emotional support, and communication strategies to help you feel more informed and to be a supportive presence in a survivor’s life. 

What Support Can Sound Like 

Sometimes, the most powerful support is simply knowing what to say, and what not to say. The toolkit offers practical examples of verbal support, like: 

“This is not your fault.” 
“You’re not to blame.” 
“You are not responsible for managing his behaviours or feelings.” 
“You are so resilient.” 
“It’s okay to cry.” 
“You’re not alone.” 
“I’m glad you told me; I’d like to help.” 
“Your safety is a top priority. You have the right to be protected.” 
Minimal encouragers like “Yes, I see” or “Mmhmm” can also help your loved one feel heard. 

Survivors often face new risks during separation, especially when dealing with co‑parenting, court processes, and ongoing control. When friends and family are equipped with the right tools, they can provide safety, validation, and stability. 

This toolkit equips you with essential knowledge to offer informed and effective support.