Emotional safety: Boundaries for the holidays
The holiday season is a busy time of year. You may find yourself in more situations that put you in contact with your former partner. It can be helpful to plan for these situations in advance by thinking about setting boundaries. Below are strategies for creating an emotional safety plan by setting healthy boundaries with your former partner. These strategies (from Family Court and Beyond) include in-person, phone and other technological forms of communicating.
In person contact
Try to get a court order that is as specific as possible about all aspects of contact with the children. This includes things like when telephone contact can or how exchanges should happen. The more specific the order, the less chance there is for your ex-partner to manipulate arrangements.
Be clear and direct with your ex-partner about behaviour that is unacceptable. Keep a written record of all communication.
Arrange exchanges of your children in public places like their school or daycare as opposed to your home.
Resist the temptation to spend special occasions/holidays with your ex-partner.
Limit/end contact with former in-laws and other family members who behave in an abusive or disrespectful manner.
Phones & technology
Adjust social media settings to ensure privacy. You may want to review your list of friends/followers and settings for what people can see on your social accounts.
Have caller ID installed so you can screen calls and only answer calls from your ex-partner when the children are available to talk.
Monitor your children’s phone/email/text/social media contact with your ex-partner. When necessary, end inappropriate exchanges (remember to document them).
Do not respond to every non-emergency text, phone call or email immediately. This will give you time to plan your response and help you to set boundaries with your ex-partner.
In some cases, it may be best to limit contact to email or a co-parenting website (creating a record of your communication). You may even consider opening a new email account for communicating with your ex-partner.
Learn more via Family Court and Beyond, our family court survival workbook for women leaving abuse.
