Tips for building a safe co-parenting relationship 

Violence does not always end when the relationship ends, especially when children are involved. If you share children with your ex-partner, establishing a new co-parenting dynamic is necessary. However, ensuring this relationship prioritizes your safety is crucial, and that can present significant challenges.  

Here are some tips, from our toolkit, The Law and Parenting Arrangements after Separation to help you navigate co-parenting after leaving intimate partner violence while keeping your well-being and safety at the forefront: 

• Do it in a public place with witnesses and security cameras.  

• Do not meet at either your home or your ex-partner’s home 

• Choose a place that is neither deserted nor busy and loud. A library or quiet coffee shop could be good locations.   

• It’s usually safer to meet inside a public place rather than outside or in the parking lot 

• If you’re very concerned, consider meeting at a police station  

• Consider bringing someone with you, but be sure you trust them, and be aware that this encounter could put their safety at risk  

• Make sure someone knows the details about your meeting. This includes: 

• Who you are meeting 

• Where you are meeting 

• Why you are meeting 

• When you are meeting 

• What time you think you will be home 

• When they should expect to hear from you 

• When they should become concerned 

• Ask them to stay in touch with you by text 

• Be polite and cordial but brief and to the point when communicating  

• Many women find email is the best way to communicate with an abusive ex-partner. The advantages of email are:  

• It creates a written record, preventing “he said/she said” situations.  

• It is easier to take time and think about what you want to say. This helps reduce the chances your ex-partner will be able to confuse you and get you to say something they can use against you in court 

• There is less expectation of immediate responses 

• Unlike text messaging, email does not typically involve read receipts 

• When communicating by email, don’t use the “reply” button. Send a new email and title it “Reply to your email on [DATE] at [TIME].” 

This post is based on our free toolkit for women: The Law and Parenting Arrangements after Separation. If you are a woman with children and you are leaving a relationship where you have experienced intimate partner violence, this toolkit can help you navigate safe parenting arrangements.